What Would Bin Laden Terrorize?

Oddly enough, this was a post I had planned for some time. In light of recent events, I guess I'll just do it now. We got him. The big bad Arabic wolf is no more. The trillions we spent and thousands we killed were all worth it just for the satisfaction of killing one guy with a walking stick and a funny Bob Barker microphone. Okay. Here's my 9-11 memories...

I was driving around on my dry cleaning route listening to Howard Stern when the news came in about the twin towers falling. It played out like some epic H.G. Wells radio play that morning. Really, that was the best way to hear it. The recent replay a few months back really took me back to that day. I stopped into a diner(all the time scanning the skies for the other alleged missing dozen or so aircraft) to see news footage. My mind was blown. That day was spent in constant paranoia of a massive Muslim revolution on our soil. I remember shielding my body with a metal clipboard in case any of my Arabic named customers had suddenly decided it was time for jihad against the imperialist dry cleaning industry.

After safely making it home that night, I promptly fashioned two American flags to hang in my apartment windows and looked up my local Army recruiter. We all felt that way that day. Cooler heads prevailed and I came to my senses the next day. Especially after Bush's borderline illiterate speech about the day's events. I did however, contact my local parks and recreation board about setting up a picture of Bin Laden in point park(downtown Willoughby, Ohio) so that people could throw tomatoes at it for money. I was going to donate the proceeds to charity, but in reality it was just a publicity stunt. I am forever an attention whore. After that got nixed, I kind of lost interest in the whole thing. I went back to what really pisses off Muslim fundamentalists, drinking and jerking off.

Fast forward ten years. The saga has come full circle. I luckily never got drafted to go fight Bin Laden in Iraq(huh?). Gas is four dollars a gallon and true Americans hate teachers unions. Thanks for all of that, Osama. Your true legacy is you turned an already precariously uneducated country into a battlefield of birthers and bleeding heart pussies. Mission accomplished. You truly did start the domino effect that will someday topple our once practical, ambitious, and intelligent nation. You won much like Obie Wan Kenobi did by sacrificing himself for the Star Wars rebellion.

One last tidbit. This is the withdrawn cover art for the Coup(militant rap group of the late 90's) album set to come out that week. It shows the twin towers in flames(they shot it before 9-11 even happened). I feel it really captures the true essence of this blog.