South Park recently lampooned the infamous gross out film, Human Centipede. I hadn't seen it, so the next day after seeing the cartoon(Mother's Day) I gave the movie a try. It is not quite the Two Girls, One Cup of foreign film people make it out to be. It was actually a boring character study of a deranged German doctor(that's original). In it, the good doctor abducts two girls and an Asian dude to sew their mouths to each others' anuses and make, wait for it...a human centipede! The food from the head person passes to the second and into the third to form the end product, Oscar Meyer hot dogs. It actually could have been called Two Girls, One Take Out Box. So while being bored, I began jotting down ideas for sequels.
Human Potato Bug- a girl is abducted and outfitted with flaps of shredded eighteen wheeler tires down the length of her body from head to heels. She can then roll into a ball and live under a rock in the garden.
Centipede Human- a nerd hanging out at a convenience store is sewn to an arcade version of the video game Centipede. His mouth collects the change which is then passed into the slot where you pay to play the game, thus a neverending game of Centipede.
Centipede centipede- several centipedes are sewn together to form a fashion forward belt. This can be worn with jeans or a nice pair of twill capris.
Human Aphid- a Mexican guy is abducted and sewn permanently to a tomato plant in the garden. He eats the plant like a common garden pest, but expels delicious salsa that is packaged for the equally disgusting Chipotle corporation.
Hunan centipede- people walk along and load their trays at a Chinese buffet. This is, believe it or not, more interesting than the original movie.
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