Wahoo for Openings!

 So Friday was opening day for the Cleveland Indians. I'm sure some Native American was protesting the mascot somewhere downtown. The really offensive activity was the Bob Feller tribute that preceded the game. The mopey, solemn ceremony involved his widow placing a baseball out on the field instead of the traditional first pitch. So of course, my fingers were texting away the dirty jokes to people at the game.  Some highlights:

Travis Hafner's bat has less life in it than Bob Feller.

What did Steve Olin(the late decapitated closer) say to Fausto Carmona before he took the mound? Don't lose your head out there.

How do you know Travis' wife has a gaping vagina? Because he's "Half-in-her."

Bob Feller is stiffer than the foul pole.

Can we just stop with all the crying and shit ? It rings false when everyone does it all the time. Especially at a corporate event being televised to guys drinking Bud Light while they download You Porn to their phones. So sorry if the moment didn't move me. How else are we to survive this upcoming laugher of a season than by poking fun at the team and ourselves? Believe me, I get plenty of practice texting during Browns games. Speaking of sports, Cleveland just introduced their "lingerie league" football team. This is being hailed as revolutionary, however, I distinctly remember hearing that Jeff Garcia of the Browns wore lingerie. Been there, done that.

As for the Cavs, well at least we beat LeBron once this year in our house. A member of the James family hasn't been pummeled that hard since his mom, Gloria, took a load of hot sauce from Delonte West last spring.